Firstly, my coord for the event!
I originally planned to wear my black MAM OP (because black obviously suits the concert the most!) but at the last minute changed my mind because it was an excruciating 32 degrees out! The MAM OP is fairly thick cotton so I decided against it. Instead I wore my BTSSB Burberry Check skirt with a plain black tank top to keep as cool as possible. I went pettiless because it looked cooler (and felt cooler of course). Wore fishnets of course and my platforms which I wasn’t going to because I thought I might be too tall, but in the end was glad I did because tons of people ended up wearing high platforms anyways.
I grabbed my parasol for the journey there and set off. I wanted to arrive early to be able to stand close to the stage. It was hot as expected and I didn’t expect my feet to hurt so much so quickly. When I arrived at the venue I realised that one of the campuses for my old sixth form was opposite it! It was weirdly nostalgic to see it, it’s been years. I didn’t even know that there was a venue there.
I got there a few hours earlier than the door opening and just sat around. Sitting down on the ground in my BABY skirt felt pretty grungy haha. Everyone came dressed really well considering the heat, some even braved their latex pieces. There were lots of goths and super high platform boots. Although I might have stood out as looking a little cutesy with my pigtails and parasol, I felt a kind of lolita spirit haha. In between staring into space and trying to not touch my phone as to preserve battery life, I tried to spike up some conversation with the girl in line next to me, which is pretty unlike me. She wasn’t very talkative and my raving about my Paris trip upon learning she was from Paris probably was quite annoying haha. But since I came alone I thought it might be nice to have someone to talk to. I rarely go to music gigs because my taste is too different to my friends so I end up having no one to go with.
Eventually we could enter and I decided to give my parasol and bag into the cloakroom, craftily hooking the coin purse from my bag onto my skirt so I could have my money on me. I had a nice spot towards the front of the venue, very close to the stage which surprisingly had no barrier. A girl next to me complimented my skirt and we ended up chatting endlessly with each other, to my happiness. Time passed and my feet hurt but eventually the opening act came on. I forgot the name of the acts but they were drag queens! Or maybe a bio queen and a drag queen but dressed in male clothing. Well, I’m not sure, I’ve only seen RPDR were there’s a very small ‘look’ of a drag queen, but these two were different and bent the lines of gender more, which I thought was super cool. It was a little short but still a cool opening.
My feet were aching more and more but I thought I must perservere and everything will be fine once Hatari come on! There was a break to set up the stage more which was excruciating. Suddenly I started to feel hotter and hotter. I chalked it up to more people pushing up getting ready for the main act.
But eventually I could not take no more as my face was sweating heavily and I started to feel naseous and shaky. I excused myself to escape the room and maybe find some where to sit. But as I exited the room I found my self propping myself up against the wall then eventually unable to carry my own weight alltogether. The security guard asked me what was wrong and I think I could barely answer. I think he got me some water but insisted I had to move to the outside smoking area. I was terrified to be honest and all I wanted was to hopefully be able to sit on the floor to recover or just completely pass out.
But, being so scared of possibly being kicked out, I managed to stand and the security helped me to start walking down the stairs. I thought I was going to fall down the stairs for sure, walking was hard and being dizzy while wearing platforms was not of any help at all. Another security guard met us halfway and helped me balance, thank God. They took me to the outside smoking area where I could sit down. They asked me what was wrong, and I explained it was probably low blood pressure. I’ve once experienced this kind of thing where I got weak and shaky and had to sit down, but never like this in such an intense way. It may sound far-fetched but it felt almost like I was going to die. Of course I don’t know what dying feels like, but if I could think of anything, this feeling was what I think it could feel like.
They brought me some snacks and such and another staff member sat with me and talked to me. I had cooled down and regained my strength but I couldn’t help myself sobbing over the whole ordeal. I felt an immense amount of embarrassment, but was glad I didn’t collapse in the main venue, especially not during the show. The show was yet to start and I sat eating and crying for a while.
At one point I looked up and noticed that there was a balcony for a smoking area for the artists. And I could not believe my eyes at what I saw. Klemens was sitting on the balcony smoking before the show and our eyes met. I looked at the staff memebr and quietly told her that they were up there! She already had realised that and was very chill about it. I was pretty shook myself. Matthías popped in and out practising his shouting before the show. I made eye contact with Klemens again and dared not look away just to make sure of what I was seeing. Of course, I didn’t dare say a thing or even wave or anything. I just wanted to appreciate that moment I was in, to be able to see them before the show without any other fans around. Even though I was wiping my tears, like a baby, of course. Silver linings, I suppose.
I ended up missing the first song, Odyr, which is probably my favourite Hatari song so I was a little dissapointed. But I didn’t want to overexert myself to try and catch it as I was still a little scared of the same thing happening again. A staff got me a stool next to the cloakroom so I could sit if I wanted. As I mentioned the venue is only 500 capacity so it was small so even from the cloakroom I could see the guys on stage well. After gaining a little confidence I got up and stood near a pillar where you put your drinks, and I leaned on that to watch the show.
Matthías and Klemens put their hands out a lot for fans to touch and hold throughout the show. I felt sad as I definitely would have been close enough to touch them. I did move a little, but not as enthusiastically as everyone else, dancing and jumping up and down. I actually ended up next to the opening acts who were in the crowd now. Everyone looked like they had a lot of fun, I felt a bit jealous but also I liked to see it from the perspective of someone in the back. I’m more of a background person anyways, I enjoy seeing people having fun as well. But of course, I wished I could have been okay, so I would have been able to enjoy the concert to the fullest.
The concert ended pretty abruptly, someone people waiting around to perhaps see if there was an encore since it felt pretty early. I caught up with the friend I made in the crowd and relayed what had happened to me. She was sorry but excited for me to see Matthías and Klemens before the show. She said she couldn’t reach their hands, which I felt sorry for because I was half living the concert through her hoping she was close enough at the front! We ended up going to the merch table and I bought a T-shirt and got a sticker. We ended up leaving a venue to which all the security I passed wished for me to feel better.
We got outside and some people were hanging around, so we supposed that Hatari would come out and say goodbye. The venue is so small, I don’t think there is any hidden exit. We waited for about half and hour but security said they wouldn’t be out for at least 2 hours so to avoid missing the last train we had not choice but to leave. I did hear there was an incident as to why they probably didn’t come out though.. I was not so close to the stage but I did see some inappropriate touching of Klemens while he was performing. I was surprised at what I had seen, and I commend him for not walking off immediately.. I just hope it doesn’t change their views of London or their fans. It’s disgusting how people treat their idols like objects.
Alas, this was the end of the day’s event. I had many regrets but of course it was all out of my control. I’m just grateful to not have fainted or anything worse. I will be making a doctors appointment soon and will probably get a blood test. I want to hopefully find a cure so I’m not afraid to go to a gig or anything again. Hatari will be back to London next March and maybe if I have the funds I will buy a ticket so I can maybe fully enjoy the experience another time.